Moments

A touch , A smile
The butterflies...

The words, The silence
My oh my! 

A look , A stare 
You! How dare!

Stay, Don't leave
There...Right there.

A Long Awaited Fortuity

Well Hello there!

I get that it’s been a while since I sat down and spoke to you. Not like you missed it, but you know me and I’m full of myself. Life seems to have taken quite a turn, things that I never did foresee happening, happened, lovely events of course. While I was busy being lost and wandering, someone seems to have managed to have found me and wriggled their way in. An unexpected meeting, a not so-courteous exchange, a chat by the beach, a moment of blissful silence, and now a wonderful bond. You know how sometimes you could look for that one thing you desperately want, and only when you need it most can you not find it?? But then you give up looking for it, and you turn your mind away and go forth with life not needing it at all, and then one day , suddenly you find it! Right there, always where it should be, but you just never looked long and hard enough at that one place. This is somewhere along those lines. To describe him, well let’s see If I can do this.

Innocence. Beauty. Benevolence. Smiles. Laughter. Serenity. Special. Safety. Warmth. Love. Search. Strength. Pain. Walls. Guised. Truth. Eyes. Passion. Heat. A sweet dream. Companion. Life.

Well there you go! That’s all I’ve got. Maybe just the words, but I hope it says more to you. And YOU, if you’re reading this, well go ahead and call me stupid, but I see what I see and please let me see it.

Now to come to think of it, I seem to have forgotten what this post was about. But the point is, yes, I know life is not all smiles, and it seems like a whole lot more trouble at times, and you search and venture out into the unknown, get lost in the dark and struggle to find your way back. But wait; hold on, if you look too hard you won’t find it, because you’re just so wrought-up in your problems you can’t see past them. So take a moment maybe, calm yourself down, and just when you start living and you tell yourself “it’s alright you can make-do without”, it’ll appear, some divine interjection maybe, but I promise you it will. So just smile silly, takes the glum out of the days, and makes the burden lighter.

Come Closer

I don't want your kiss, when its so cold
Don't give me that smile, when you don't even know
What I want from you.

Don't touch my hand, don't hold it.
Don't like it when it feels so limp.
Where's all that warmth, where is all that you said you had??

Don't try and tell me , as if you knew.
Knew what I'm feeling, knew what I'd do. 
Why hide behind the words, hide behind the pain? 

Please come closer, can't you see me? 
I'm standing here,
Don't go away, when you'll regret tomorrow.

Pick me, pick me, I'm naked and exposed.
Its scary and cold , but ill wait here. 
For you , ill be bold. 

Not that I don't love you, not that you don't , but it takes more than those words, 
Ill wait for you to show.

Patiently. I'll be waiting, don't have anywhere else I need to go. 

Slander

To tread on a path walked on before,
Fairly easy.
To make one all by yourself ,
Not as much.
Scared I'm going to be judged,
But should I care?
Call me names and stone me ,
For I will ,bear.
Sometimes it feels heavy,
The weight that you carry.
Having someone with you , it's nice
Help you through the journey.
Its funny how they say ,
"Be your own person!
Venture into the wild"
But when you do and come back,
Disgrace in their eyes.
So does that mean you were wrong ?
Does that mean you don't fight ?
Is it a choice I can make?
Or do they get to decide ?

Wander

Memories passing by ,
And then ,
Lost in the corners of my mind,
Will they be found again,
Or were they meant to hide?
How do I hold on to them? Please help me out.
There is one I don't want to forget,
Scared I just might.
His face so serene,The feeling so divine.
Looked into the vast spaces in me,
Said something so kind.
Innocence isn't what it seems to be .
A common man may tell you otherwise,
I think its what I see every second,
In those eyes, and that touch.
Unexplainable.
Can I hold on to this forever ?
Can I feel it all again ?
My heart beats fast,
I'm afraid I'll run out of time.

Happiness is a choice I make

Before you proceed to read any further, I should tell you’ll that this is not the best of my writing (not that I’m claiming that I write really well!) so I’m just warning you’ll. This might not even send out any message for all I know, so it is basically just pointless jibber -jabber. Read on if you wish to do so.

It has definitely been a while since I wrote here…A year?? Wow!! Last I remember was me sitting in my room and pouring out everything. And now I’m done with college and am back here in Dubai, (apparently where I belong) with family.

So, to those who don’t know me, I spent the past three years in Bangalore to do my undergraduation. That was a phase, that was what I went there for, I did it, I finished it and I’m back. And to be honest with you’ll…I hate being back! I miss that place, the city, the friends I made and all the memories created everywhere.

I was miserable when I came “home” initially…and I was looking forward to when that next trip to Bangalore may be. And I never enjoyed anything I did, not one moment , even if I was among friends .I was depressed in my head, and I kept telling myself that I was done, that I have nothing to look forward to. There is no romantic string that is yanking me there for those who think that might be the reason. So to answer you’ll, NO its not it, It’s just the place I think. I was never more myself anywhere else before in my life, and the friends I made added to the whole experience.

But well, I realized that nothing is going to change and I have to make do with what I have and the opportunities I’m given. And then tonight, after all this time, it suddenly hits me! Happiness is a choice I make; it’s not decided by anyone else but me. I can choose to be happy no matter how bad a situation is.  Yes, you’ll probably already know that... (Ooooh! You smart people!!). I need to choose to let go of all those fears and miseries I have in my head. I decide.

I’m in this relationship where communication seems to be a bit of a problem, so bad because sometimes I wonder whether I am in one or not?? And I used to constantly keep telling myself that he must have someone else there to fill up the space, or he is the kind where he needs the attention and someone to constantly be there, and whether I should trust him or not. But then I realized...why should I bother?? Because at the end of the day I’m the one who is going to be worried sick, when I haven’t done anything! So I let go, I let go of the constant need to know whether he is wrong or whether it’s a waste of time and dissing the whole idea of love, relationship and all, because frankly, it’s not worth it! No one is worth the trouble, the stress, the sadness, the tears and sleeplessness.

This is probably the worst I’ve written, and I am quite aware of it as well. This just had to be done to help me vent and I’m happy I did it. Well to everyone out there who is worried sick because of someone else, DON’T! Because you CAN be happy, you CAN just choose to see all the right things and put all those teeny tiny problems at the background and out of focus. And also, if it comes to a point where you have to deal with it, deal with it with grace and a smile on your face. (Also because the smile annoys the crap out of the other person! =D)

Be HAPPY, from within and out!

if

decisions to be made,

things to be chosen.

hearts to be broken,

friends to be found.

lives to be changed and,

things to be prioritized.

and all these light years apart.

what if I pick one and lose another,

what if all this is a game?

if you and i only exist

because of another.

wondering if there is a truth in all these lies,

a moment of silence in all this noise,

a reason to wake up,

a need to die.

if I just had the answers,

would I be happier,

knowing that I am in control.

maybe I can,

maybe I can't,

if I only think,

then I haven't done.

but for that moment of truth,

I still wait,

with hope in my eyes,

yet another day I wake.