Before you proceed to read any further, I should tell you’ll
that this is not the best of my writing (not that I’m claiming that I write
really well!) so I’m just warning you’ll. This might not even send out any
message for all I know, so it is basically just pointless jibber -jabber. Read
on if you wish to do so.
It has definitely been a while since I wrote here…A year??
Wow!! Last I remember was me sitting in my room and pouring out everything. And
now I’m done with college and am back here in Dubai, (apparently where I belong)
with family.
So, to those who don’t know me, I spent the past three years
in Bangalore to do my undergraduation. That was a phase, that was what I went
there for, I did it, I finished it and I’m back. And to be honest with you’ll…I
hate being back! I miss that place, the city, the friends I made and all the
memories created everywhere.
I was miserable when I came “home” initially…and I was
looking forward to when that next trip to Bangalore may be. And I never enjoyed
anything I did, not one moment , even if I was among friends .I was depressed
in my head, and I kept telling myself that I was done, that I have nothing to
look forward to. There is no romantic string that is yanking me there for those
who think that might be the reason. So to answer you’ll, NO its not it, It’s
just the place I think. I was never more myself anywhere else before in my life,
and the friends I made added to the whole experience.
But well, I realized that nothing is going to change and I have
to make do with what I have and the opportunities I’m given. And then tonight,
after all this time, it suddenly hits me! Happiness is a choice I make; it’s
not decided by anyone else but me. I can choose to be happy no matter how bad a
situation is. Yes, you’ll probably
already know that... (Ooooh! You smart people!!). I need to choose to let go of
all those fears and miseries I have in my head. I decide.
I’m in this
relationship where communication seems to be a bit of a problem, so bad because
sometimes I wonder whether I am in one or not?? And I used to constantly keep
telling myself that he must have someone else there to fill up the space, or he
is the kind where he needs the attention and someone to constantly be there,
and whether I should trust him or not. But then I realized...why should I bother??
Because at the end of the day I’m the one who is going to be worried sick, when
I haven’t done anything! So I let go, I let go of the constant need to know
whether he is wrong or whether it’s a waste of time and dissing the whole idea
of love, relationship and all, because frankly, it’s not worth it! No one is
worth the trouble, the stress, the sadness, the tears and sleeplessness.
This is probably the worst I’ve written, and I am quite
aware of it as well. This just had to be done to help me vent and I’m happy I did
it. Well to everyone out there who is worried sick because of someone else, DON’T!
Because you CAN be happy, you CAN just choose to see all the right things and
put all those teeny tiny problems at the background and out of focus. And also, if it
comes to a point where you have to deal with it, deal with it with grace and a
smile on your face. (Also because the smile annoys the crap out of the other
person! =D)
Be HAPPY, from within and out!
